Ladies and gentlemen, the end of time as we know is upon us. A short while ago we were indulging in unrestrained ironizing, re-appropriating and re-imaging of trends and brands of the past, yet retaining our distance by ridiculing them, making parodies of iconic 80s, 90s and 2000s brands and the infamous boxy fits of men’s athletic gear of days of yore. Panasonic became Palasonic. Gucci became Guccit. Gosha reminded us of the idea that sweatshirts don’t necessarily have to actually, you know, fit to your body. Now, the Palace x Adidas SS16 drop has arrived and what has started as an innocent trend has grown to a time-warping cosmic anomaly. The timeline has been twisted around and – much like an animal becoming a sausage – has been stuffed into its own butt, becoming a perfect loop. Consequently, your astronauts at Bonkers have been sucked through the wormhole and spat out into some strange dimension where the timelines of 80s, the 90s and the early 2000s are all happening at the same time.
Alas, despite all the temporal confusion, it’s a comfy dimension for half of it is made out of toweling fabric. The Towel Jacket, for instance, is so comfortable to wear that you won’t ever take it off. Wear it with the Palace cap and the gymsack to transform yourself into a human towel. Pro tip: if you’re feeling especially fancy, cop the actual Palace x Adidas towel and wear it as a makeshift skirt.
Further down the wormhole we pass the tennis polo shirts which look like they were stolen from Andre Agassi’s closet. There’s a white one with short sleeves and a blue one with long sleeves. The main material is hydrophilic, which means they’re drying faster. While we’re time travelling we might as well stay dry.
Now we’re headed towards the early 90s, when textile technologies really started to come into their own. Flying by is a light, highly packable wind breaker with two front pockets and a back pocket. It’s got a wax coating, so it’s water-repellent. Maybe the most unorthodox feature of this artifact is the adjustable hood which can be strapped to fit tightly around your head so it won’t come off during pan-dimensional travels.
Also floating around in what increasingly feels like the end of the movie Interstellar if Boris Becker had directed it in 1999 is a very heavy terry cloth crewneck with retro-futuristic printing, including a double-branded chest featuring the Adidas leaf and Palace’s Tri-Ferg. Match it with the terry cloth shorts and a can of beer to become a 1990’s football coach.
Concluding our time warp are two pairs of Palace Pros. They’re updated version of the legendary Gazelle with a slightly futuristic design. Also, the two pairs are distinct in color: one features orange stripes on black suede and the other white stripes on indigo suede. They’re both inspired by the colors from the vintage Adidas city series: the orange-striped pair is dubbed Brussels, while the indigo and white pair is reminiscent of the colors featured by Hamburg and Monaco. The tongues again feature both Adidas leaf and Palace Tri-Ferg. They’re the right kicks for the sophisticated, casual hooligan in all of us.
However, as with any cosmic anomaly, this one won’t last very long. Palace x Adidas constellations tend to be among the more fleeting sort, so be quick before the wormhole closes for good. All aboard the hype space craft!
Release on saturday May 21th 1:01 CET